He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
