well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
