Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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