Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
