Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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