When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
