3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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