I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
