Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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