Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
