YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
