paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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