Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
In America we eat man semen.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
