Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
