dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
