3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
