So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
