We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
