Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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