I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
