Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
