We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
