he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
