Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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