i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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