How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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