It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
