I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
