We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
