Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
