Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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