I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
