Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
