This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
