I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
