When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
