Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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