I accidentally burped into my bong.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
