I need to stop coming to work sober
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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