Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im six kinds of drunk right now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
