I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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