It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
