Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
