you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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