how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
