It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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