just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
