I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
