Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
