the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
