I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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