Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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