is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
