Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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