I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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