I'm so fucking centered right now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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