What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
