And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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