Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
