Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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