her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
