Jerry, you need to find god
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
