see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
