We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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