Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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