I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
