Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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