I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
