i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm getting married
To pizza
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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