I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
