And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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