Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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