I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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