NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
