the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
