...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
