never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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