A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
